Sunday, November 8, 2009

You've Been Warned Vol II Issue XXXXI

Comic reviews by a fan, for the fans!

-COMING ATTRACTIONS- In which Mister V rejoices or laments over the offerings in Diamond Distributions November Previews.


- Dark Horse Comics - Where the fuck. Is. My goddamn. Bettie Page. Disappearing top. Coffee mug?!?! Just ship the fucking thing already, you fucking dick faces!

As I've read most of them, I can personally vouch for Blacksad, the anthropomorphic noir drama by Juan Diaz Canales and Juanjo Guarnido, which is (finally) being collected in one great big book. This is a gorgeous, amazing adventure here, and it's worth it for the convenience of having everything in one book, as opposed to how I got my copies (i.e. through some rink-a-dink indie publisher who put them out about as frequently as a fiber deprived senior citizen's bowel movements). Apparently there's a new story in this collection too. Shit yo, this shit's beggin' to be bought. So fucking buy it already. I know I will (like a big fat sucka).

But serious. You guys gimme my fuckin' cup already.

- DC Comics - It's a very clever thing DC's doing with it's Blackest Night one-shots this month, giving new life to old, canceled series like The Phantom Stranger or The Question. I'd be really excited about James Robinson doing one last Starman issue if it weren't for his crap ass performances as of late. Still though ... very clever. Nicely done.

"Superman and the Outsiders?" What an awkward team-up. And even if it is really Superman in this book (which, given my unfortunately thorough reading of the Superman titles as of late, I venture to guess it probably isn't), who gives a crap? We'll have an answer to that question a few months from now after the damn book's canceled. At the very least, switching the team's mentor means one less Batman title on the shelves (that shit's just gettin' crazy out-o-hand).

Grant Morrison returns to Vertigo with a new title, Joe the Barbarian. Whenever Morrison teams up with a publisher who'll let him do whatever the fuck he can imagine, things get fucking bananas. Of all the books set for January's shelves, I think I'm looking forward to this one most of all.

There's a fuck-ton of nothing going on in the DCU this month, just so you know.

- Image Comics - After that second volume of Wonton Soup, I'm all about James Stokoe. His new book, Orc Stain, is set for release from Image. From the preview pages alone it looks worth while. Color really complements this artist's work. What the hell kind of story can you possibly expect from such a title. Orc Stain? It can go in so many different horrible, disgusting, hilarious directions (and probably will). I'm predicting and hoping for craziness here. Craziness.

I totally chickened out and didn't get Image United. I stand by that decision. As much as I enjoy Robert Kirkman, I don't enjoy him enough to relive Rob Liefeld and Jim Valentino in the same damn book. Uhg, that's the stuff of nightmares.

- Marvel Comics - For a publisher who claimed to be staying away from big events, there's a whole damn lot of events going on this publisher right now. We've got: Siege, Fall of the Hulks, Realm of Kings, and Nation X. Go ahead guys, pump 'em out. What the fuck do I care? I'm not reading a single one of them. Ha! Suck my balls, Marvel!

Ghost Rider: Heaven's on Fire wraps up this month, which makes me sad. Jason Aarons' run on this title was bar-none the best the character's ever seen. It's a shame it wasn't given more room to grow. Dems' the breaks, I suppose. Still, if you haven't checked it out, it's in your interest to do so before it's too late. Enjoy it while it's here.

So there's kinda a lot of "big" stuff going on with Marvel, but I'm not reading any of that shit, so, like, y'know, whatever.

- SLG - As my sordid past with one suspected raging cunt of an editor-in-chief might indicate, I don't pick up a lot of books from this publisher anymore (as they're all tainted with cuntiness). But damn, them folks managed to snag a collection from Gene Luen Yang (aka the dude who wrote the spectacular American Born Chinese). There's not enough bad blood to keep me off that one. You win this round, you ... you ... cunts, but ... fuck. Whatever. You suck, Jen!

- Antartic Press - "Obamouse?" "President Evil: Yes we Cannibal?" This Obama in comics shit has officially gone around the bend crazy. ... I'm probably gonna get that Obamouse book though. There's a "Hen Beck" character. God I'm such a fucking enabler.

- Archie Comics - Am I the only one who was hoping for Betty to have a miscarriage? I can't be the only one. You people know you were thinking the same thing. "Archie somethings wrong! There's blood everywhere!" "Don't panic Betty! I'm calling an ambulance! Oh fuck, is that a little arm?!" And then Jughead could come over and have hamburgers. Now that's an Archie story.

- Fantagraphics Books - I read Unloveable. It was amusing, mostly because of the premise, but I don't recall any qualities that fortify it to withstand the test of time. I certainly can't remember anything that warranted a second volume. Huh. It must have sold quite well. Still, I can't imagine anyone wanting to come back for seconds on the sequentialization of a teenage girl from the 80's. Others may do otherwise, but the novelty of this one's too far gone for me.

- IDW - I bought that Jennifer Love Hewitt's Music Box for my girlfriend under the assumption it was a one-shot. It's not a motherfucking one-shot. It's a goddamn motherfucking cocksucking mini-series. Jesus H. Christ guys, give us a little heads up. It's not gonna kill you to spell out how many issues a series is gonna have, but it's gonna kill me if you don't. Now I have to buy all of the damn book. The worst thing is my girl doesn't even like it that much. Fuck's sake ...

I totally want to buy that World Weekly News comic though. That's right, a fucking comic about a fake gossip newspaper. I'd throw money away on that knowing full well that I pissed and moaned about buying the love of my life one comic every other month. What an asshole.

- Vertical Inc - New Black Jack book. Life is good.

In conclusion ... not the most exciting Previews ever put together, but it's not as dull as the last few months have been. Things are looking up. Let's just hope we're all still gainfully employed and the bottom hasn't fallen out of the economy by then. 'Cause, y'know, you can't buy comics with food stamps. Not yet, anyway. But there are Democrats all over Washington, so anything's possible. Dare to dream, my friends. Dare to dream.

Happy shopping, fanboys and fangirls. Don't buy anything I wouldn't.

You've been warned.


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