Sunday, September 13, 2009

You've Been Warned Vol II Issue XXXIV

Comic reviews by a fan, for the fans!

**As always, mind the spoilers, fanboy.**

In which Mister V rejoices or laments over the solicitations in this month's Diamond Distribution Previews, set for shipping in November.

- DARK HORSE COMICS - Fuckers still haven't shipped my Bettie Page disappearing top coffee mug yet. 'Nuff fucking said there.

- DC COMICS - It's a very devious, clever thing DC's doing this month. There are few fanboys out there who wouldn't cream their pants in anticipation of cheesy plastic replicas of all the various new Lantern rings. And now their creamiest pants can come true, so long as they're willing to buy sevens specific comics for the month of December. And many will. I wish I were one of them. Really. Hell yeah I want an assortment of multi-colored Lantern rings. I'm just not at the point where I'm ready to buy a copy of Doom Patrol or Outsiders to achieve that goal. Almost, but not quite. Nice try, guy. If you'd have done this a year ago I'd have been yours, hook, line, and sinker. But I'm older, wiser, and have far too many crappy gimmick comics in my possession. Everyone else is going to have to soldier on, fingers aglow with every color of the rainbow, without me. Just remember: there's a lot of straight fanboys out there who're going to buy this gimmick and wind up being referred to as a "rainbow lantern" by all their buddies.

I've heard rumblings of DC's new noir line, heralded by Brian Azzarello. Looks like we're getting a taste of things to come with Batman/Doc Savage. I'm not a smart enough man to try and fathom how this could possibly be bad. Conversely, the new Lobo mini series is set to hit the shelves as well, and I can visualize a near infinite amount of ways this will be an abomination. Gotta give it to DC: at least there's plenty of room for duality.

- IMAGE COMICS - As much faith as I have in Robert Kirkman, I've gotta say Image United looks like shit. Prove me wrong, guys. I fucking dare you.

Finally, the first Chew collection is available. Like a lost mongoloid on a lonely pier, I completely missed the boat on this one. Can't wait to see if this title lives up to all its hype. Even if it doesn't, it's cheap as crap anyway. What's to lose.

- MARVEL COMICS - Ugh. It's a small fucking world 'round these parts, no?

If your company just obtained the rights to one of the most controversial properties in all of comic book history, how would you announce it to the world? Like this?


If it is, you and Joe Quesada should get together, draw a bunch of overpriced fan art, and have mutant, chromosome heavy love babies. As for the rest of us ... bleh!

I'm glad to see that Incredible Hercules is getting such a big push. I'm also glad that Agents of Atlas has found a home here, instead of being flat-out canceled like so many of its brethren. These are two Marvel titles that deserve wider recognition, and it's refreshing to see that actually happen. Let's hope it lasts.

Did you blink? If you did, you just missed me dropping Thor.

Holy fuck! Jason Aaron and Steve Dillon on a mature readers Punisher book! Fuck me! This is the best thing Marvel's done all year. I can't even remember the last time one of their books created a feeling of excited anticipation like this! Now we're fucking cooking!

Powers is back. Where this book can go next is beyond us all. If the last series is any indicator, it's got nowhere to go but up (hopefully). I guess we'll have to wait and see.

- AVATAR PRESS INC. - Supergod? Color me speechless

- FANTAGRAPHICS BOOKS - I eat up Dash Shaw books quicker than a fat guy eats Pop Tarts. Okay, maybe not too much quicker. But it's a close race. Shaw is one of my favorite small press discoveries from last year, and I'm absolutely delighted that I only have to wait two more months before I can gorge myself on another one of his books. Come November it's dig in time with The Unclothed Man in the 35th Century A.D.

- Metropolitan Books - Don't look now, but Joe Sacco's got an absolute brick of a book set to be released about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict called Footnotes in Gaza. You ever just look at a book and know it's gonna be one you won't want to miss? I've got that feeling looking at this one. Best check it out if you know what's good for you.

In Conclusion: YIKES! Another slow fucking month. Here's to hoping everyone's just saving their good stuff up for December, 'cause if not there's something weird going on in the industry. And I don't mean Madonna getting booed for defending gypsies in eastern Europe weird either. I mean weird weird.

You've been warned.


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