Sunday, July 5, 2009

You've Been Warned Vol II Issue XXIV

Comic reviews by a fan, for the fans.

** As always, mind the spoilers, fanboy. **

- COMING ATTRACTIONS - In which Mister V rejoices or laments over the offerings in Diamond Distribution's Previews for September.

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- Dark Horse Comics - Lots of good stuff good stuff hitting stores here, like a Usagi Yojimbo OGN (in freakin' color no less) and a new Beanworld collection. What I'm really excited for, however, is the start of a Beasts of Burden mini-series. If you missed the first few short stories in those goofy Dark Horse horror anthology books that were all over the place a few years back, this book's about a pack of domestic animals that habitually brush up with the supernatural. It's Milo and Otis mashed up with the Hardy Boys, except, y'know, not gay. Evan Dorkin's stories are hilarious, and Jill Thompson's art is the best I've ever seen her do. Seriously consider purchasing this book, unless you hate books that are endlessly fun (in which case, like, take a long walk off a short pier).

I also noticed that Dark Horse is once again offering my Bettie Page disappearing top coffee cup. Please note that my original order for this product has yet to be filled. GIMME MY FUCKIN' TITTY MUG ALREADY, YOU FUCKERS!!!

- DC COMICS - Not a lot of razzle dazzle coming from this publisher this month. Seems like they're staying the course with Blackest Night, which isn't too surprising. I'm looking forward to Straczynski taking over The Brave and the Bold, as he always does better on books with a wide variety of characters. Although after the appalling parade of crap that came out of the title before him, I'm reserving judgement and hope.

Since when the hell did Magog rate enough to score his own book? The dude's costume includes freakin' goat horns. How can you possible hope to succeed with a character when it's so easy to crack jokes about him ramming other dudes asses? Yeesh.

After what I read from Bauyou, I'll definitely be picking up the Zuda line's second collection, High Moon (despite the fucking pun). Don't know if it's any good, but this imprint has earned my undivided attention. For the moment I'll devour anything they put out.

If I could only pick one new book this month, it would be Sweet Tooth, by Jeff Lemire. After reading all his Essex County books, I'm convinced Lemire is poised to blow the fuck up, and I'm fairly certain this book is what's going to do it for him. Blow the fucking fuck up, says I. So I'm ready to be in on the ground floor for this one. For only a buck, you should be too. And if you don't know, now you know.

- IMAGE COMICS - A comic based on the lyrics from Fall Out Boy songs? I didn't realize Image was willing to publish a book about a bunch of Emo dudes jerking off. Apparently there's a sizable market for that sort of thing. Kids these days ...

Jeff Parker's Underground sounds extremely interesting. I'm pleased to see the author taking a stroll outside of Marvel and the superhero genre, with Steve Lieber in tow no less. I'm very curious to see how well this series does. I hope it's a home run. I like Jeff Parker's stuff. It's fun to see him branch out.

Oh man, I completely forgot about War Heroes. That books late as a slutty girl's period. I don't know who's responsible for such unadulterated tardiness, but way to strike while the iron's hot, youse guys.

- MARVEL COMICS - Aw man, do I have too? Sigh ...

Fuck this shit. Fuck Dark Reign. Fuck the Clone Saga. Fuck this really confusing, crappy cover ...

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... fuck all three Hulk books and all two Deadpool books, fuck all this Marvel Zombies cocksuckery, fuck the new Moon Knight series, fuck every $3.99 mini-series whether I'm getting it or not, and fuck any other insulting bullshit I skimmed over.

I'm intrigued by the Human Torch series, am sad to see Straczynski leave Thor, excited for Strange Tales and the conclusion of "Old Man Logan" (also excited to not be getting any more Wolverine books), and am dropping Secret Warriors because it's just not doing it for me.

Same shit different month from these cunts. Let's move on before I throw a clot.

- ANARCHY STUDIOS/HARRIS COMICS - As shameless as it is to admit, I'll probably buy any comic that's only $1.99. I don't fucking care if it's Ultimate Camp Candy. Two bucks and I'm in. Here I come Vampirella: The Second Coming.

- AVATAR PRESS - I don't blame you if you aren't reading Wormwood. Not everyone can handle characters like brain-damaged black Jesus and bartender with dick for a nose. Just so you know though, this series in the past has been absolutely superb (just like everything else Garth Ennis writes), and if you read it you'll most likely go to hell. You and I both are most likely half way there already, so what's the harm?

- BLUEWATER PRODUCTIONS - Puppy Power: Bo Obama? Sometimes I wish the terrorists had won.

- BOOM STUDIOS - Congrats to this publisher for picking up the Disney rights. I don't give a fuck one way or another about Disney (like George Carlin said, "Fuck Mickey Mouse in the ass with a big black dildo..."), but I know enough to understand that it's going to bring them a huge chunk of change. It's nice to see a publisher flourish in this shitty economy. Gives me hope for the future, and whatnot.

- TOP SHELF PRODUCTIONS - There are quite a few collections being offered that are gonna make me lose my damn shirt. Alec, by Eddie Campbell, is one of them. I've been waiting a looooooong time for this series to finally be collected. Never read it, but heard some amazing things about it, like it's even better than Campbell's Bacchus series. I find that hard to believe, but there's only one way to find out. Thus how I'll put in half a day at work knowing every cent of my wage will be going directly to purchasing this book. Hopefully it'll be damn worth it.

- W.W. NORTON - Robert Crumb doing The Book of Genesis? After I read this I'm certain to go to hell. Why didn't I listen to my local pastor? Comics are the devil's masturbatory aid! Boo hoo hoo!

IN CONCLUSION ... it'd have been a pretty light month if comics weren't so damn expensive these days. There's a proverbial goldmine of great reading material for the more refined comic fan thoughout. Overall it's going to be a (hopefully) mostly delightful month.

Happy shopping, fan boys and girls. Don't buy anything I wouldn't.

You've been warned.

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