Sunday, May 3, 2009

You've Been Warned Vol II Issue XV

**As always, mind the spoilers, fanboy.**

- OPENING REMARKS -

Free Comic Book Day


Oh how I love Free Comic Book Day. I don't love it as much as I used to, as now I have to share it with all the other financially retarded fuckers flooding shops around the country for free shit, dragging en tow a dozen or so howling welfare children willing to accept any material gain as substitute for actual affection. I do so miss the days when I was the only financially retarded one on premises. Oh this bastard economy.

In particular this year I greatly enjoyed ...

Blackest Night #0, and ...

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... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #1 FCBD Edition.

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I've never had the opportunity to read the first TMNT stories before, and I haven't been up-to-date and what's been going on in Green Lantern, so both books were very enlightening. Of course, those freebies are going to lead to costly purchases down the road, which I suppose is the point of FCBD in general, so whatever. Really, I just wanted to take a moment to single out those of you who didn't go to your respective shop for free stuff. No free comics for you (unless you're ready to hit eBay), you tardy-ass motherfuckers. Nah-nah!

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #4
by Geoff Johns & George Perez
DC Comics


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For ten minutes I've been trying to think of an analogy comparing an occurrence in every day life to reading a spin-off series after the goddamn event has longs since been over and done with. Nothing accurate has coming to mind. I blame my inability to create such an analogy entirely on alcohol. Drugs are bad.

The point of all this is it's a weird sensation to be retracing sequential footsteps you didn't know you'd taken (there we go, that one'll work). Still, regardless of its horrendously late release, the book is still relevant, unpredictable, and promising to have long-lasting ramifications on the DCU (that we don't already know about, hopefully). Besides, if you're not willing to wait patiently for George Perez art (and he is without a doubt on his game here), well sweet Christmas fanboy, why are you even reading comics?

I'll tell you one thing though: until reading this series I never realized what an obnoxious little cuss Bart Allen is. I'm starting to think the best thing he ever did was get whacked.

Battlefields: The Tankies #1
by Garth Ennis & Carlos Ezquerra
Dynamite Entertainment


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If by this point you haven't been reading Battlefields, nothing I can say is going to convince you to start. Do know however that this issue (starting the last series of the trilogy) is as vivid and biting as anything Ennis has ever done. If you ever wanted to actually understand what World War II felt like on a very tangible, humanistic level, all you'd need to do is read these books.

I'll stop with my constant praising of this series now. Promise.

- PICK OF THE WEEK -
Rasl #4
by Jeff Smith
Cartoon Books


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I can't seem to say enough good things about this title.

What blew my mind with this issue in particular is how stylistically crisp Smith's artwork is becoming. From the horrified sailors fused into their ship to the little girl with the fish eyes wandering the desert, I've been downright creeped out. I knew Smith was going to be pushing limits here, but I didn't realize he was out to fuck my shit up. Well congrats, Smith, I'm officially weirded out.

- NO PAN THIS WEEK -

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I'm sure some horseshit got released, but I didn't read it. That's what happens when you don't got no damn money to spend on crap comics.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

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