Thursday, February 12, 2009

From the Vault

Recently I came into possession of a big fat fucking box of papers, stories, quizzes, and many other strange things from my elementary school days. I've been digging through this mammoth mound of previous works, reminiscing and finding some hilariously disturbing evidence that I've always been like "that." It'd be a shame to keep such things a secret from the world, so over the course of however long it takes me to trudge through this stuff, I'll be posting choice bits. Here's what I've got thus far:

I already know this is the most fucked up thing I'm going to find. It's from my First Grade memory book. Here's the cover of it, just in case anyone thinks I'm making shit up:
Photobucket

And here's what I did in first grade:
Photobucket
After completing this assingment, I vaguely remember my teacher and my Principal lecturing me on what words mean, and what words we should and shouldn't use. I also remember not having the slightest idea what they were talking about. I sure as hell remember that "Kevin" kid though. He deserved it.

Photobucket
Here's a Christmas picture from 1989, featuring myself and my family. I think I was trying to draw my sister and myself in the style of the macaroni angel Christmas ornaments we hung on the tree every December. Little did I realize that macaroni angels are fucking creepy.

Photobucket
This is a story from second or third grade, "Liver Eatin' Joncen." It's supposed to be "Johnson." I've always been a shitty speller. I recall my dad encouraging me to write this story. Here it is now, presented for the first time in its entirety.
Photobucket

Photobucket
Lastly, here's the cover to some story I have yet to uncover. I believe it's from 6th grade.

It's lucky for me I went to school in the pre-Columbine era. If I were in school now I'd be in the "special needs" room cutting shapes into construction paper with safety scissors.

More to come as I uncover it.

No comments: