Saturday, January 31, 2009

Talkin' with de Cooze, man

Most of us know that I and the editor-in-chief from a Slightly Large Graphic novel publisher have a bit of a ongoing feud. To be more specific, I have a fucking bitter hard-on for this person. He or she could give a fuck, which is fine by me, as sometimes it only takes one to tango.

A few weeks back, this person and I got in a tiff. I drew a purty li'l comic featuring a heavily veiled character sporting similar features and demeanor (i.e. here). As this person has accused me of being "passive aggressive" in the past, I sent him or her a link to the strip. Unfortunately this person is a little slow on the uptake, and thought I was alerting him or her to a negative review on a book from his or her place of employment (

What follows is our brief discussion:

Cooze - I'm sorry to see that something that happened months ago is still so much on your mind. You are implying that you are giving a bad review for personal reasons, which is common enough in the online comics world, where people with silly personal grudges hide behind pseudonyms all the time . If you were hoping this would upset someone, I am afraid your hopes will be disappointed.

V - Hmmph. I'm slightly confused. Didn't I site enough examples of why Hsu & Chan # 8 was an unpleasant experience to warrant a negative review? Didn't I very explicitly say before the review began something along the lines of "This review has nothing to do with anything that's happened between myself and SLG?" I would never, ever, ever slam a comic because of a grudge. Sweet Christmas, my dear, my jab at you is yesterday's news. This initial email was merely myself extending the same consideration you showed me all those months ago. Try to keep up, please.

You're right about one thing though: I have a big, nasty grudge, and it's most likely never going away. Now that my editorial restraints have been removed, every opportunity presented to me to take a jab at you will be capitalized upon.

So, y'know, "you've been warned."

Cooze - I am again sorry to tell you this, but I simply don't care. Please don't contact me again. Your emails will henceforth be forwarded straight into my junk folder.

Ouch! Harsh, right? Unfortunately I had to stop there, lest I find myself on the business end of a harassment suit (I add here that only big, gay babies file harassment suits).

During all this I was operation under the assumption that this person had witnessed my sequential homage. This was due to the fact that a certain someone posing as the president of the aforementioned Slightly Large Graphic novel publisher pranked my former benefactor and read him the proverbial riot act. Thus my revenge was stunted. At this moment I'd like to express my gratitude towards that person for fucking up my shit. You know who you are, pencil dick. Thanks a fucking million.

Anyhoo, I wanted to take a brief aside from normal business to officially announce that whenever the opportunity presents itself, I'll be taking a jab at this person, who sources have informed me not more than five years ago was known in the fetish community as "Consuela, the least expensive ladyboy in all of San Diego." These opportunities most likely won't present themselves as often I'd like thanks to Diamond Distributor's new financial policies, which pretty much make any indie single issue series obsolete, as well as the resolicitation of books (sucks to be youse guys). For the few instances that will pop up in the future, I apologize in advance.

In closing, let this be a lesson to everyone. To paraphrase Flannery O'Connor, "Never wrestle a pig: you'll get covered in shit, and only the pig will enjoy it."

We now return to bullshit as usual.

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